1. "You can't put a price tag on love. But if you could, I'd wait for it to go on sale." — Hussein Nishah
2. "I thought I was promiscuous, but it turns out I was just thorough." — Russell Brand
3. "I love being married. It's so great to find one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life." — Rita Rudner
4. "I love you no matter what you do, but do you have to do so much of it?" — Jean Illsley Clarke
5. "Love is telling someone their hair extensions are showing." — Natasha Leggero
6. "I'm now making a Jewish porno film. 10% sex, 90% guilt." — Henny Youngman
7. "My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don't really know me." — Garry Shandling
8. "Honesty is the key to a relationship. If you can fake that, you’re in." — Richard Jeni
9. "If love is the answer, could you please rephrase the question?" — Lily Tomlin
10. "Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic. You need 10 years before you can call yourself a beginner." — Jerry Seinfeld
